Day 13: 24 hours to go!

I have been dreaming of...



BAGEL....



....CURRY MEE...



Chicken Crispers at Chillis...

24 hours to go - one 2 hour workout, 5 more boring meals...and then FREEDOM.

The bad news is, Freedom is only going to last all of 24 hours and I'm feeling torn between stuffing my gills stupid and wondering if my stomach is actually able to take all that food...(especially since I've got so much I want to eat).

But I figure, freedom day is essential to maintain my sanity. You know what they say: everything comes with a string these days. And so it seems Mr Kirsch's diet comes with SUCCESS tied in tandem with MAINTAINANCE.

Although strictly speaking I can do the Maintainance phase, which is only marginally less NaZi than the actual Diet Phase or Phase 1 as they call it, due to my pig out session scheduled on Tuesday and mom's b'day dinner, I shall duly return to Phase 1 (NaZi phase) for a few days. The necessity of it is firstly, Pig Out Day is accompanied by one pig out dinner on Wednesday. Secondly, I hate to admit it but I have become paranoid about the idea of putting it back on. So I figure, after one freedom day, I would have sufficient motivation to keep going for another 2 more weeks for the first Maintainance Phase and then on to the next 4 weeks which are a lot less rigid. And the goal is to create some 'buffer' around the weight loss...in short, lose more, just in case, some of it returns with a vengeance.

(Mr Kirsch reminds us that some deeply unlucky people cannot cheat without seeing the results land on their hips - since I believe myself to be one of those people who gains weight just standing next to a can of whipped cream, I shall not tempt fate.)


Today has felt a bit like the kid waiting for Christmas. I have lots of food waiting for my return to normal life (all 24 hours of it) and I fear that I might send myself into a sugar frenzy. Logically of course there is no rationale reason to think I will never be eating any 'naughty' food again (such as bread and butter pudding, and kueh kodok and Jaffa cakes - all waiting in the fridge for TUESDAY) but someone it feels like that. It feels like...I'm coming out of gastronomic solitary confinement...and I'm going to go stupid for that one day!

I have such a long list of things I want to eat:

Curry puff
Doughnut (from Big Apple in the Curve)
Bread!!! (dammit, no matter what Mr Kirsch says, I can't give up bread...or carbs...they may be bad for us...but life is too short!)
Cake! - I am one of those people cursed with a sweet tooth and a love for all things cream, cheese and butter...preferably all in one place. But then I'll probably not eat cake this time around because there will be cake at my Wednesday Dinner.
Pancakes (white flour!!! - Alexis ones are dreamy)
Nasi Lemak (that I have given up for aeons but probably have put on the list because...well...I'm thinking of food...)
Some horrible greasy fry up...
A strawberry jam doughnut
Coffee! Maybe Mocha Latte...or hell, I would be happy to just drink Americano...any caffeine!
Apple Pie
French fries...the fatter the better!
Quarter Pounder from McDonalds...
A burger from La Bodega with fried egg...onions and CHEESE!
Junk food! (cheezels!!!!)
Nasi Kandar! (okay, not a super priority but...nice too)
Indian rice at Nirwana...(probably a bad idea since I'm really just keen on the salty papadams)

Most of the time, I don't think of my life as deprived of these things. I also do not think I will NEVER be eating this food again. But I find myself now living in this horrible duality of being frightened to eat and yet, wanting to eat. In short, the Good Diet Cop and the Bad Diet Cop are perched on opposite shoulders.

In a way, losing weight is horrible because it puts you in fear state. I don't care about all those people in Mr Kirsch's glowing testimonials who declared they no longer were interested in candy, M&Ms and coffee...

LIFE IS TOO SHORT.

And plus, it really is TOO SHORT to do this crazy diet again. It is too hard, and too not fun (especially the killer exercise sessions).

I am still wondering if I am going to bust my diet at 12.01am Tuesday or wait till brekkie time. I'm leaning on being totally good till Tuesday morning. After all, I have 24 hours...